Broken Pedestal
by QueenMeep
Summary: Vader Amidala, AU, In the aftermath of the Clone Wars, Padme and Vader must find themselves once more, as Fate finds them bound once again, for better or for worse.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

A/N: This is a personal challenge to myself: to use the first person point of view and to redeem Anakin, especially for my poor treatment of him in _Vulnerable_. Will be very AU. Happy birthday, Gizzi, this is your fault. ;) (And to Will, who will probably never read this… thank you for the "snippet" which grew into a plot bunny, which ate my muse)

Prologue

The first thing I thought of when I first saw you again was the jubilation at seeing you healthy, the fire and passion still in your eyes. And then I realized that this time, I was on the receiving end of your ire. _I_ was the cause of the sweat streaming down in tiny, dirty rivulets, _I_ was the source of the bruises marring your arms and legs, _I_ had brought you to this place, to lie in your own stench and rot with the rest of them.

_I had broken your façade, saw you for who you truly were._

_I had been the one to push you down; I was there when you picked yourself right back up._

_Why couldn't I come right back up? _

_… And why didn't I want to break your fall?_

It did not matter that I had not touched you, perhaps not even for months. _How I had counted the days!_ It did not matter that I had not even spoken to you. _There is nothing left to say._ The men that brought you here did it for _my_ bidding.

You might know that power- the power to control everyone's lives around you. Yet that power is empty when you cannot control your _own_ life. An empty power for an empty shell of an empty man.

_That is what you did to me. That is why I brought you here. That is why my pain shall be your pain. That is why I stand before you- you took it from me. _

I paced in front of you, hoping you would not see the tremble I felt would come over me, would not see the weaknesses that you could flaunt, that you could exploit. _Like you already had._ I watched you, waited for you to cry, waited for some sign of submission. Did you realize that you had no way to escape? That there was no one coming for you?

Or did you imagine that there was a Jedi left that would care about your plight, care about giving you _mercy_? Did you honestly believe that your Anakin would save you, perhaps his friend and mentor Obi-Wan?

Ahh, Obi-Wan. His name still boils my veins. _He should be right here beside you. His fate should be yours, right beside you._ Did you turn to him in those times before you turned against me? Did you rush to his arms, hold him close and ask him to save you from the _awful_ Anakin?

I am still reeling in disgust at the idea. And betrayal still eats at my very insides. Do you know how that feels? Could you? For someone that you love, cherished, held above all others- to go behind your back and be with the only other person you had ever loved, trusted, and esteemed?

I don't know whether it happened or not, but if you were capable of taking his side, I can't put it past you to seek comfort in his arms. _I can only hope you didn't._

When you did not flinch, did not recede, I pursued, leaning in. I was grateful for the mask, grateful that my eyes were shielded. _No more seeing my tears, they are not yours._ I had to ask you, before they took you away… "Who are you?" _I no longer know._ "What have you done with my wife?"


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 1

It was your continued strength, the way you did not flinch or pause, as to why I lingered in the room, why I let them keep you in that interrogation room. Your pride remained in tact the entire time, even as you were nearly naked, only a filthy simple robe adorning you, your hair chopped off in a short bob. _Why did they have to cut your hair?_

At one point in my life, the sight of your skin would have brought desire. But now, you are merely another one of the mindless slaves, brought here to quell any whisper of a rebellion. _You cannot threaten my security, my peace._

My fingers curled as I refrained myself from touching your face, trying to find within you what I had once loved. _My angel._ But there was nothing of your grimy exterior or your cold eyes that could even remind me of the woman I once loved. _Still love._

You did not answer me, even then. You held your jaw firm, proud as ever. _What did you do with her? Where is my Padmé?_ But you had no answer to my question, either you didn't know or you wouldn't tell me. The dead can't reveal themselves; it was your duty to let me know my Padmé was dead.

But yet I could not leave, could not tear myself away from the display, from your eyes. They had trapped mine, even behind the mask, behind the helmet. I thought you could see the truth, see within to my very soul. My heart constricted painfully as I realized you would know who I am, truly who I was asking for.

My mind raced, wondering how you could know it was me within the mask, that my questions were not just more questions thrown at your already overwhelmed and overtired brain.

But I steeled myself- you had not yet revealed your hand, I would not reveal mine. _You must not know that I was once yours._ I held my breath, then let one thought form in my head: _Anakin Skywalker is dead. _So easy to think it, so easy to hope it. I could laugh at myself now- to hope that hope is dead.

Anger coursed through me, anger that you would not respond to my query, that you would not show emotion. _How could you? When did you grow so cold?_ I squeezed my fingers into tight balls, clenching them at my side. I knew it would be formidable, that I would intimidate you in the black suit.

Yet you did not shirk.

_That cannot be; you have to know my pain._

I knew of one way.

"Padmé…" I began, letting the breath drag out, knowing the voice amplifier would pick up on the sound of my breathing. "Tell me of Anakin." I felt ridiculous in saying my own name aloud, and at the same time the name sounded foreign, already not my own. But you knew me by my new name, knew me as _Darth Vader_.

This finally brought pain to your eyes, tears pricking in the corners. A-ha! _You still care._ How easy this could be… I watched as you drew yourself to a sitting position, spat at my feet. "How dare you?" you hissed.

I should have laughed. I should have crowed with delight, flaunt how I killed your pathetic Anakin. _Only it was a lie._

You gathered yourself, your anger still glowing in your face. You glared at me; all your rage centered on me for the first time since I had last saw you. _How good it must feel._ "You monster." Your words snaked through my brain, ate at my heart. Again, I gave homage to my shield from you, my mask.

"You have it wrong." I corrected, as close to a matter-of-fact as I could manage. I gathered my own pride, wrapped my anger about me like my cloak. I would tell you the truth- and it would sting. I would give you the details, let them burn like salt in your wounds. I did not speak, there was no need to.

I raised my gloved hands to my head, holding them steady as only a skilled Jedi could under such duress, unscrewing the bolts of the helmet closely. Finally, it was ready to be removed. I slid it away from my chin, letting my hair fall out of the helmet and relishing the cool air against my cheeks, against my burning eyes. The chill could take away the tears you were not to see.

I revealed the truth, revealed my identity and saw at once the anger flare and the grief instantly wash away. Shock lined your pretty face, your gasp echoed throughout the room. "I thought you killed him." You whispered, conflict marring your calm exterior.

_Now you too have to question, now you too have to live with the reality instead of some pretty painted lies. _

My voice remained calm, aloof, "You need to quit believing everything Obi-Wan tells you." I would later learn that it was the _same lie he told my son_. Too convenient, to warp the truth. What had he hoped to accomplish by telling you Anakin was dead? It became self evident to me- he wanted me out of the picture for _you_.

Your tears were falling freely now, uninhibited, sobs wracking your body. _It had been too easy._ But revenge did not taste sweet. In fact, it was downright bitter. _Damn you!_ _How could you take away that, too?_

You turned your eyes towards mine and I felt the familiar burning once more. I turned away, not letting you see their inevitable fall. I gestured to the guards at the door, pointing for them to take you back to your cell. I did not let you see as my hands shook as I replaced the helmet, seeking anonymity behind it.

You were not to see my eyes spill over with tears, my weaknesses exposed once more for everyone to see. While I retained Anakin Skywalker's eyes, nose, jaw, hair, every aspect of his face, he was dead. _Keep telling yourself that._

I did, however, take your name off the execution list.

* * *

Just snippets for now, while it grows. And while it will be explained further in detail later, while Anakin has obviously fallen, he does not wear the suit for physical necessity. _We'll leave it at that for now. ;) _


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 2

I spent the first few moments back in my cell trying to find the right word to describe what I felt, a way to describe _you_. Anger could not justify it- it was a weak word. Betrayal? Yes, but that could not fill the entire void. Pain, there was plenty. It was a mixture of all those things, a rage I could not describe, one I had never felt so acutely before.

_And worse yet, I saw it echoed in your crystal blue eyes._

It was a sight I had seen only a handful of times, though what I had seen before was only a meager whisper of the raw pain penetrating your very soul. It almost made me want to embrace the _lie_ Obi-Wan had told me, about how you had died at the Jedi Temple, slain by Darth Vader as he began his purge.

Only then did I understand that it was not quite a lie: _you had indeed murdered the man I called my husband, my Ani._ I wondered on it, why I had never seen you again after you left, after you went to the Temple that fateful day. Did Obi-Wan keep you from me? Or were you too ashamed to face me once more?

I will never know, will I?

In the days and months that followed, I was empty, lost without you. I bore our children without you, they have never seen their father's face. I continued with the motions, but made sure I hid them away where Vader could never find them.

I kept on as I had before, although the self-made Emperor did not take kindly to me remaining in office as the head of the Loyalists. I now live my life in exile, forced to carry out my quest for justice in the dark, away from my people. Away from my Naboo.

_You have already done enough, just kill me._

_You've already taken away our freedom, taken away our liberty. Your precious Palpatine has turned all of the brilliant lights off, leaving only dull obedience. _

I did not even wonder what was to become of me, I was certain you would continue to torture me, to find out all of the secrets you believed that you could.

Do you want to know the truth? Do you want to know where the Rebellion is that you're seeking? You're looking in the wrong places- you've brainwashed everyone. Just let your pathetic Empire be on its own for a while and you'll grow your own rebellion.

Perhaps even you will grow to hate it, after you realize the truth of what's happened. But somehow I doubt that- your evils are far worse than that of your Master's. Not only did you kill hundreds of innocent people, _younglings_, not only did you aid a criminal in gaining control over our galaxy, but you _stole my Anakin_.

Perhaps when you finally realize that I'll never tell you anything that you want to hear, you will tire of me, get rid of me. Death will be a welcome release, for I won't give in to you.

_Just don't make me love you again. I could not bear it._

I could not imagine then what you had up your sleeve. Your form of torture, of punishment for my imagined transgressions was too bizarre, too cruel, for me to have come up with it myself. I can only wonder at your logic sometimes, then I remember that you're from Tatooine.

But for you to inform me that I was to live at your side as your wife? Preposterous! Ridiculous! I will never be Lord Vader's wife!

_Only Anakin's…_

* * *

I was going to stick to Anakin's point of view, but I wanted to have Padmé's story as well, and perhaps have a Padmé worth loving.

And the chapters will get longer and I'll get to explore Vader without the burns as well… ;)


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 3

I was not surprised to find you already waiting at the table, although the expression on your face reminded me of preparing for battle, not for a simple evening meal. What I did not expect was your appearance: upon bathing and wearing the formal wear I had always seen you in, I was momentarily taken back to a happier time, a brief flicker of a better situation. You had not hidden your shorter hair, however, and it brought me abruptly back to reality.

You were seething in your anger openly; my Master would be proud. I sat without ceremony, scarcely noticing the spread of food before me. I picked up the wine goblet, swishing the red liquid inside, waiting for the inevitable barrage of questions. I was prepared; you could not mar my calm.

"Why keep me as your wife? Why not call me your slave?" your voice somehow was devoid of the emotion I knew was behind it; the queen tone once more.

I shrugged, as if it were a matter of no consequence. "Because you are my wife. Or have you forgotten your vows?" I looked back up at you, letting the smirk play across my lips as you sought for composure, this answer had apparently caught you off guard. _Oh yes, this may be adequate revenge._ When you did not respond, I continued, "Of course, I imagine you already have, as Skywalker is no more. How long did you wait before you ran to Obi-Wan's waiting arms?"

Your hands clenched on the engraved arms of the chair, your knuckles turning white. "I have only ever, and only desired, to be with one man." Your eyes met mine, finally. I quickly took a gulp of the wine from the goblet, hoping to wash away the sense of hope that fluttered up at the words. _I was wrong… _

I steeled myself against the hope, knowing that letting myself fall for it once more would be another disaster. "I'm surprised." I knew my voice was bitter, but you could not know of the tiny seed of hope you had casually planted in my withered heart.

You snorted, rather unladylike. "Why should you be? You're the one who left me."

I couldn't help feeling stunned for a moment about that accusation- while of course you were right, it was not the way I had seen it, not the way I had experienced it. But you had no way of knowing that as this was the most words we had shared in almost a year. I did not want you to know about the deeds that I had done in the name of saving you until I was positive that you were safe from harm's way. The guilt and the shame still lingered after I knew you had borne our child.

Had it died in childbirth? Were you hiding it away from my vision, so that I could never see it again, as some sort of penance for my actions? It still pains me that I am referring to my own child as an it- I do not know if we conceived a boy or a girl. Shortly after its birth, I had felt so unworthy of their innocence that I was not shocked when you did not search me out, when you did not look for me to rejoin you and our family.

_Our family, Padmé. I am a father, am I not? _

But that is now another matter- I will find it, or you will reveal it, one way or the other. That did not keep the query from spilling out my lips in response to your statement. "And you're the one that is keeping my child from me. Where is it?" I refused to say your name.

Vehemence hit me as if you were slapping me, "I am keeping my progeny safe from a monster." You spit out.

This struck me as interesting, however… _Progeny? _You did not say child, is there more than one, is that why you're hiding them from me? The thought overwhelmed me; pride swirled with the meager hope growing within at the thought that we were the parents of not one, but two children. It grew bittersweet, however, as I realized again that I had never seen either child's face, and was only guessing at it. For all I knew, I had a dead son.

But either way, something I had done was done correctly- while not the same woman I adored and cherished, you were still alive and well. I had saved you from death's grip and my dreams. It was one small victory, whether you realized it or not.

How could you not know it, how could you discount it so readily? Everything that I had done, I had done it for _you_. The tiny younglings, their eyes searching for me to save them from the destruction falling around them, their deaths were not in vain. My Master had apparently saved you from certain death. Either he still had a power to teach me, or I had saved you without realizing it, my sacrifices great enough to appease Fate.

You should learn to appreciate sacrifices, especially from people that love you. _But look at what you've done to me in return. _

The silence weighed heavy on the room, the pain sinking in once more. I embraced it, breathing in the power I felt in it. _If only it could fill the void._ _The void you left me._

I could not bear it any longer, I returned to our adjoining chambers, seeking a moment of silence and solitude before you inevitably rejoined me, as we were stuck together.

* * *

Getting a bit longer… This took a while longer to write while I struggled with whether to continue in first person or to change back over to third person… 

Also, real life has been getting in the way.

All input is valued. ;)


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 4

Later that day, I was instructed by my Master to return to your old apartment. We had kept it open for this long, leaving it as an open route to capture you should you fall back to it. Now that you were back within Imperial control, there was no need to keep it open. I had no desire to return, no desire to relive any of the memories within, but he insisted.

I was to retrieve anything of any value before they removed the rest of the belongings, preparing it for another tenant, a more obedient Senator. I was not sure I would find anything as you had not been back since the rumored birth of our child, but Palpatine insisted that it was worth the try.

_Sometimes I wonder if he purposely wants me to wallow in pain, immerse myself in the negative memories of the past. _

I kept that in mind, came to your apartment trying to be the stoic Jedi Obi-Wan had once trained me to be. _There's a place for everything… oh the irony!_

The entire place had been left just as you had left it whenever you left; even a glass remained on the table in the living quarters, remains of a drink long dried over. It did not have the cheery, welcoming feeling it always used to hold; that feeling was replaced with an eerie abandonment.

I wandered toward our old bedroom, taking in a deep breath to prepare myself for an onslaught of my senses. The room nearly ached with feeling, the sorrow and anguish so thick I could nearly breathe it in. I closed my eyes, letting the memories wash over me, knowing it was the only way to handle them.

_I could see your hair on the pillow… your happy smile as you combed your hair… soft words whispered, "Oh Ani!" now gasped, your cries of passion… those cries turned to whimpers of pain as you sobbed out my name, beggingme to save you, in childbirth and on your death bed… _

My eyes snapped open, I panted out your name, gripping an end table. _Why does it still torment me?_

I shook my head, as if the physical act would shake the memories out of my head as well. I reminded myself, whispering, "It's only a memory." It had not come true, nor could it as unless you had lied to me, there was no way that you could be pregnant.

_It did not keep the salty tears from flowing._

I sunk down to the bed, my mechanical hand running through my hair, the true hand grasping at my temple. _Why?_

As it passed, my fingers sought the firm support of the night table once more. A cord met my fingertips, worn soft from many touches. I looked at it, curious. My breath hitched once more as I saw the carved japor snippet.

I grabbed it instinctively, my fingers curling around it as yours must have many times before, its edges smooth. _The symbol of my love for you… discarded like an old plaything. _

My fingers trembled and I collapsed onto the bed, finally letting the events of the past day or two sink in, the reality of it all not escaping my notice.

Grief pulled at me, the nag that no matter how angry I got, no matter how much vengeance I sought, _I still love you._

I laid against your pillow, inhaling deeply, knowing that even after all this time, it smelled like you.

_Of course it would._

_Everything reminds me of you. _

_I can't escape you._

And worse yet, I don't even want to try.

* * *

I think this one is best told for now in snippets...

I adore this method, actually... the little snippets of story they are telling each other..


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 5

The strangest idea occurred to me while you were away. I had been contemplating the different manners of escape, my mind racing with possibilities, inspecting the ledges on the windows for their depth, scoping out how many guards were posted at our entry way. It was such an abrupt change from our past that I could not keep myself from the helpless burst of laughter that followed.

_For our entire marriage up until now, I had spent every moment contemplating sneaking you in, not escaping from you._

If the concept had been introduced earlier in our marriage, we both would have laughed, thought it impossible. Look at where we are now!

The thoughts were followed by an insatiable curiosity about the nature of our new relationship. I could not help but wonder why you had chosen this form of torture. It was almost as much of an enigma as your current path was to me.

I did not have time to ponder this before you returned. There was almost a moment in which the sweet anticipation of seeing you again caught in my throat, my heart catching flight. Then I saw the glossy black suit instead of your casual mop of hair, again in that foreboding monstrosity.

Another curiosity… but a ridiculous one. I could not restrain myself from comment. "Why do you wear that suit? Are you hiding from everyone that once loved you?" I taunted.

I could almost feel your glare through the helmet, your breath coming quick over the amplifier. Had I touched a nerve? Good! "Don't use that word." You spat out.

I rose to meet your challenge; _I will never bow to the Sith._ "Which word?" I stared back at you, "Hiding?"

"I am not hiding." The assertion was quiet, muted.

I snorted, "It sure looks like it to me." With that, you pulled the helmet off, tossing it angrily aside. The sight of your eyes temporarily stunned me, icy blue glistening with tears. I gasped involuntarily, realizing the implications, knowing _Vader_ would never show weaknesses.

Your voice was strained, harsh, "You wouldn't know anything about love." A flick of your wrist sent an object flying at my feet. And you turned heel and retreated towards the sanctuary of your bedchamber, the door sliding shut quickly behind you.

I looked down, my eyes searching the floor for the object of your disdain. I found it there, just under my skirts. My heart clenched, my breath stuck in my throat.

_The japor snippet you had given me so long ago._

I stared at it, frozen, yearning to retrieve it yet at the same time aching to resist its pull. It was the very reminder of _you_. Its simple presence there was a sharp reminder of our love. _How could I ever forget?_ How many nights had I spent holding it in place of you? How many times had I caressed its edges to smoothness when instead I was longing to feel _you_, feel your soft flesh beneath mine?

Even in the moment when word of your death had set in, there had still been the lingering hope that you would be found, not slain after all. I had sought in vain for several months any wisp of a rumor that the _Hero with No Fear_ was alive and well, just out of my reach.

I had never expected to see my Hero enshrouded in darkness, encased in ahard shell away from the entire universe, his vanity dampened along with his pride. Never had I thought I would see the day when the light was gone from your smile.

_Until now. _

You seemed as tired, as weary, as I had felt in those days when I bore your children alone, grieving the loss of my lover and democracy.

_Broken._

…And this time, I'm afraid I can't fix my Ani.

* * *

A special thanks to my beta, for helping get the impact I wanted out of this chapter.

Let me know what you think! Sorry for the delay, real life keeps poking its ugly head.


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 6

It seemed almost inevitable when I was summoned to my Master's chambers later, to report on my findings. I was grateful for the time spent in meditation prior to the summons, as I was somehow capable of calming the whirlwind of emotions you might call my mind. _Obi-Wan would laugh at that; it took my spiral down to the Darkside and the devastation of our Order for me to finally understand and appreciate why he wanted me to meditate all of the time. _

He was examining a chart on a holopad as I arrived; he blew it up to full potential for me to see. "Lord Vader." He greeted, gesturing for me to rise from my kneeling position. "What have you heard of the Clone situation on Kamino?"

I shook my head, "The last I had heard the clones' genetic code was being manipulated for faster generation." This information had not startled me- there was a need to replenish the Clonetrooper numbers after the end of the Clone Wars, to keep peace where the Jedi had once failed.

Sidious nodded absently, still looking at the report. "Yes, that was several months ago. However, there has been an increase in the number of reports of…" he paused, gesturing into the air as if it would help him find the right word, "of defects."

I frowned, anger sparking at the word. _Clones are people just as much as slaves are._ "Defects?"

"Yes, Lord Vader, defects. The genes were manipulated for higher autonomy for additional independence and it seems that this variable causes rebellion among a rising number of the clones." He peered at me from behind his cowl, his yellow gaze piercing my dark helmet. "It is a shame; we have had to dispose of many of the defective units."

I quelled the instinct to clench my fingers into fists at my side, subduing the ire that was rising quickly within. _Dispose of the defective units! _

His glare grew more intent, "And what do you propose we do about this, Lord Vader?"

"Discipline, more rigorous training." I suggested.

He laughed, "They require more than training, my Apprentice. This type of obedience cannot be taught." He shrugged needlessly.

_You're right, mindless obedience cannot be taught._ "But they are human beings!" I could not keep the outrage out of my tone.

"They are clones." His voice was cold, a simple reprimand. _What a fine time to gain a conscience!_ "Are there any problems, _Darth_ Vader?"

_Yes! Clones are like slaves, they are people, too!_ "No, Master."

"Good." I do not enjoy being stared at as if I was a youngling caught playing with one of the Knight's lightsabers. "Now, tell me what you found at your wife's apartment."

I kept my tone level, "Nothing of any value."

"But what could have caused you pain, Lord Vader?" his voice rang with false sympathy, "I felt it across the Force." I could hear the faint remnants of a chuckle in his tone, "Any Jedi left alive would have felt it."

Inwardly I winced, immediately throwing up shields. "It must have just been the atmosphere, that place never brought me anything but pain in those last few months."

It sickened me to think that he knew precisely what I was referring to with _those last few months_. Shame sunk through me, infected my very core.

He beckoned to me with one crooked, wrinkled finger. "Take off that mask, Lord Vader."

I moved to comply, edging closer and removing the helmet carefully. "Yes, Master?"

His fingers felt dry, stale against my flesh as he gripped my chin, staring into my eyes. "Is Padmé not alive, Apprentice?"

I nodded slowly, pain coursing through my heart, thinking of _you_ as he sought to examine me. He clenched his fingers tighter about my jaw, "I have given you what I promised you, Vader, why do you insist on lying to me?" His voice almost sounded innocent, as if I had wronged him somehow. And I supposed I had; _I was defiant._

I had no answer for him as I averted my eyes elsewhere, not wanting him to search into my soul further.

_He always knows; there is no hiding from him._

At my silence he probed deeper, angry at finding my shields in place, my mind guarded against his intrusions. "What is this insolence, _Apprentice_?"

But still I held firm. _He cannot take what precious little memories I have left of you, the only things left untainted._

He shook his head slowly, his yellow eyes glowing this time in anger. He had not extracted what he wanted this way, so he would teach me a lesson. _Again._

When his fingers unfurled from my chin and moved in front of my chest, I held firm. I did not feel it when he zapped his Force energy into me, molten lightning riddling through my body. I just closed my eyes and thought of the one thing, ironically, that I had not thought of in so many months, to give me strength…

_I thought of you. _

_Of your sweet smile._

_Of your musical laughter._

_Of the rebellious look in your eyes when you first saw me again._ The Padmé I love._

* * *

_

Sorry for the long wait on this chapter... first I had a rewrite (or two) and also there's that lovely thing called life. Yipee. (not)

As usual, all input is valued!


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

Chapter 7

As I had already exhausted all options of escape that I could think of, and had lost the whim almost all together, I was forced to find entertainment in my new home, instead. _Best to think of it that way instead of the prison that it is. _I was hoping I could find something to keep my mind productive, as I had spent entirely too much time thinking of _you_.

And I had probably worn another layer off of the japor snippet.

Your rooms, though, revealed less to me than you had yourself. I had expected at least reports, holovids, or mementos of your recent conquests.

_Where was home? _Perhaps Obi-Wan always knew you better than I had. Perhaps all that time, Obi-Wan was your home. Looking back, you were not as familiar to me as you should have been. I should have seen this turn in you, these changes. But, perhaps, Obi-Wan should have known as well.

When you returned, upon meeting your _Master_, the look on your face took me back a year. _Haunted._ That brief moment before you threw your shields back up made me wonder if you had truly ever committed yourself to this path, either. Surely if you had, you would not be plagued by the pain I now knew trailed at your side, always eager to ruin any moment of happiness you might seek.

_I almost understood, until I remembered the destruction you had caused around you._

The sympathetic side of me wanted to ask how things had gone, small talk to relieve the silence. However, the Senator in me blurted out: "How did the meeting go? Arrange for the death of more innocent people today?"

A half a second was all it took for you to block me out once more, your face find the blank canvas that I had seen all too often, recently. _Odd that you never did that as a Jedi. _"Not today," you intoned, moving to one of the plush chairs to sit, relief flooding your face as you sat.

The Senator was disappointed, I was glad you didn't want to provoke her. "Anything eventful happen?" _Do I sound like I'm begging for something to do?_

"No." was the quick answer, your fingers tangling through your hair.

_I know better than that. You've never been one to be so quiet. _"So, nothing happened. Well, you might be content to spend your days doing nothing, staring at the walls, but I'm not."

You raised an eyebrow at me, impatience starting to wear at your barriers. "I'll have someone bring you something to read."

Silence prevailed. I had the suspicion that you only remained in the room because you didn't want to move. Finally, you mentioned, as if we were still engaged in casual conversation, "Palpatine said they are exterminating clones as if they are useless garbage." Your eyes sought mine, the ache apparent in them once more.

My first instinct was to gasp, I quickly covered my mouth. I wondered how you would take it, whether you accepted such things as a _mass murderer_ or not. Fleetingly, I worried if it was just bait to get me to tell you who else was sympathetic to the old Republic, as you called it, or to find where Obi-Wan is hiding.

But I wasn't sure you were a good enough actor to put this emotion into your voice, the sob you were holding back, "They are people, Padmé, and he's treating them as _pawns._"

The sound of my name on your lips brought an involuntary shiver: it was the first time you had said it in over a year. But that reminded me abruptly as to the reason why. "The Jedi were people, too. As were the _younglings_." I spat out. You winced. I was glad. "And you're his pawn, too. Will he throw you away, one day?"

I expected you to growl out a retort, to get enraged, or to perhaps defend your _Master_. You surprised me again, rising, "Maybe." Too many surprises for one day.

You leaned close; I could tell each movement hurt. Momentary concern caught me before your face hovered over mine. "You would like him to do that, wouldn't you?" each syllable was laced with pain.

I mouthed a word to your retreating back, your motions stiff, _No…_

* * *

Let me know what you think... it's starting to progress...


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 8

My heart thudded in my chest, the blood pounding in my ears. My thoughts circled back to your verdict, and I dwelled on the fact that you were right: _I am his slave._ Is that my destiny? Am I to be a slave for the rest of my life?

_No._

I felt the tug of your soft hand on my own, your voice behind me, "Anakin Skywalker, don't you dare walk away from me, again." I swung around, captivated by the yearning in your tone. Unshed tears glistened in your eyes. "I don't want to lose you again," you whispered.

I could not stop myself from pulling you close. My head tilted of its own accord, my lips seeking out yours. The weight of your body against mine for the first time in so long washed away the ache in my heart. The sweetness of your lips erased all of the pain, all of the memories tugging at me.

The feeling of your lips pressed against mine drove me on, burying myself into all of the passion that I had repressed upon leaving you. Your fingers wrapping themselves in my hair broke the last bit of control that was left. I sought your mouth deeper, shivering as I heard your whimper.

Your kiss had always been able to undo me; this was no exception. I trailed my lips down your neck, across your throat, unable to stop myself. _Stop myself? I don't want to._ You murmured words of encouragement, but all I heard was my name. As long as you called me _Anakin_, that's all I wanted to be.

Somehow, we ended up on the bed, your hands seeking under my tunic, sending hot waves of anticipation through me. My flesh hand followed suit, tangling in your gown as my mechanical hand dragged the fabric of my tunic away from my back, fatigue and physical pain forgotten under your soft touch.

As I found your pebbled nipples and heard your gasp, I knew there was no turning back; somehow we had tumbled into this mess _but I did not want out._ My fingers clasped over the taut peaks before exploring further down, halting their progress with the gown. Your hands worked perhaps as quickly as mine to remove the obstacle, as eager as we had ever been.

_Always in a rush… _

We stopped when enough of the gown was opened, revealing you to my waiting mouth. Your fingers worked at the waist of my leather pants, finally closing around my heavy member. I groaned, pushing the skirts of your gown up around your waist, my fingers drawn to your thighs. I traced a circle around the nub of your clit, finding you slick and warm.

_It was too much._ I pressed my cock against you, seeking completion. I gasped with you as I slid inside, rocking my hips against you even upon penetration. Between you crying out and the ecstasy of being with you, holding you, feeling you, once more, it was not long before release came, rocketing through me.

I rolled over, taking you with me, holding your head to my shoulder. At the back of my head I cursed myself for letting myself get so carried away, especially without even properly removing our clothing. _Always so desperate…_

The reason we had spent so long apart nagged at me, reminding me of the true reality of the situation. The bliss in your arms was to be short lived: _you cannot love a monster._

I did not move, simply held you to me. For the brief moment I had you, I was not letting go.

_But maybe one day, you'll have your Anakin back… _

I have to find him, first.

* * *

Let me know what you thought about it... I tried hard for the right balance.


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 9

I woke to your warmth, the feeling of my cheek against your bare chest. Your arms were wrapped protectively about me, your hands clasped at the small of my back. Sometime during the night you had removed the rest of my clothing, though from the frustration I could sense in you, it likely wasn't for your own convenience, but for my comfort.

For that moment, I was content. It was nearly the morning I had always yearned for. It had been years since I had been able to wake up in your arms to the sound of your breathing and relish the moment instead of rushing to get you out the door, out of sight. _Actually, it was quite possibly the first morning without that pressure._ The only thing that was missing was the promise that it would happen again and the two tiny people that would complete our family.

_Luke and Leia._

Their absence nagged at my heart. The memory of their miniature features and smiles brought nothing but pain. Could I trust you with the knowledge of their lives? Were you ready to be their father?

The wistful thoughts were laughed at by the doubts sinking in with every waking moment. While we had spent a blissful night in each other's arms, it did not change who you were. In fact, it was just a reminder of how _stupid_ you can make me, some times.

But still, lingering there within the doubts, was the smile I had seen on your face last night. I knew that your lips had not formed that smile since you had started having those _nightmares. _ Even now, I knew its time was limited; your shoulders had tensed and agitation marred your face.

_What could you be dreaming about, now?_ My fingers stroked your forehead, soothing the worried lines. Your vulnerability as you slept was actually a promise of hope to me. It made you seem so _human_, as if you knew exactly how precarious our situation was. I wondered if perhaps you knew exactly what was wrong, saw that your behavior of late was not _you._

You unconsciously pressed your face against my fingers, relaxation soothing your features. The beginnings of a smile tugged at your lips, dimples peeking from hiding. I traced the line of the scar over your eye and across your brow as I had many times before when you writhed in a nightmare.

Your smile widened, the same confident smile I had glimpsed briefly before I drifted off to sleep. I propped myself up on an elbow, watching your contented sleep, hoping it could last just a while longer. It was one tangible sign that you may have considered becoming _my Anakin_ once again.

The holocommunicator in the corner bleeped, announcing an incoming transmission. I sighed, almost wanting to answer it for you so that you could continue your slumber, as you showed no sign of recognition of the noise. But as it was likely your _Master_, I shook you lightly. "Wake up, Anakin." I whispered.

"Padmé…" you murmured back, rousing. Your eyes fluttered open and your crystal blue gaze met my own. I will cherish that moment forever; _I saw the unwavering love you had always bestowed upon me, once more_.

I broke the connection reluctantly, "Someone wants to speak with you." The communicator continued to chime in the background.

You nodded slowly, reality sinking in. The light left your eyes, you turned away from me. I sunk underneath the heavy covers as if they could keep me from the _creature_ on the other end. I shuddered as he welcomed you, his voice ringing with false welcome.

A grin tugged at my lips as you returned the greeting harshly, irritation edging into your tone. Very apparently, you were not happy to have been disturbed. Perhaps he knew you were happy, for that short moment? _But it doesn't matter, he can't take that from us again. _


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 10

My thoughts lingered on the nightmare I had dreamt while lying beside you, the worry and fear that had accompanied it. My Master had been actively pursuing two small children, one whose big brown eyes echoed with your kindness and another whose face reminded me very much of my own. In my dream they were familiar and very dear to me; in reality I cannot recall who they may be.

They had been taken from your care and we had tried rather desperately to retrieve them from his grasp, Obi-Wan by my side as he had been so many times before. But my Master had stayed two steps ahead of us the entire time and the anxiety had flustered me even upon waking.

The nightmare did not have the strange aura of truth and urgency that a prophetic dream would. Little details seemed out of place and fantastical events were commonplace. It could still not keep me from sweating even as I thought of the two children being taken by the evil entity of my dream.

The little girl's eyes brought my thoughts abruptly back to _you_ as I continued to make my way towards my Master and his summons. Involuntarily, I smiled. _We will have a beautiful little girl some day, if you'll have me._ Guilt stabbed my gut as I knew I had perhaps caused one of our children to die already. _I don't deserve another chance._

The throne room was eerily quiet when I arrived; the Emperor was examining another holochart with great interest. "Ah, my young Apprentice." He smiled, beckoning me to him.

I approached warily, my body aching in remembrance of the last time I had edged closer. I knelt, my eyes downcast. _He cannot have the last little bit of hope, he will steal it if he looks in my eyes, into my soul._ "Yes, Master?"

He touched my shoulder, his voice kind, "You did not sleep well?"

_No, actually, that couldn't be further from the truth, with the exception of the nightmare. I was surrounded by my Angel, _"No, I never sleep well." It was not quite a lie.

His brows crinkled, "Ah, my poor Apprentice. But I cannot say that I would sleep very readily if I had a betraying wife nearby." He rubbed his hands together, absently. "It is a shame that we need to keep her alive, for now."

Only the Jedi training kept me from wincing at his words, bristling at the thought of your death at his hands, _or worse, at my own._ "I am not sure why you are." A few days ago, the venom in my voice would not have been faked.

"In time, in time, Vader. For now, I am sure she has information that you will be able to extract from her. But her time is limited." He shrugged, conjuring up a list from his datapad. "In the meantime, I have another mission for you."

I glanced at the list, dread filling my heart. "Yes, Master." The long list detailed information of one of the more recent generations of Clone troopers. _The ever dispensable clone-slaves._

He smiled vaguely, his eyes staring through the datapad, "The Epsilon generation of Clones has been proven to have a genetic defect in their programming, one which has caused the entire generation to be more rebellious and several have endangered the cloning facility on Kamino. They must be exterminated." He turned back to me.

_No, not me. I can't kill any more innocents, the Clones are not our enemy._ "That is a duty for the cloners." I protested.

He shook his head, touching my shoulder. "I cannot trust anyone else with this, the Clones have done enough damage."

I bowed my head, "As you wish."

On the way back, I scrolled through the names of the Clones, scanning each individual and their location. Several of the names were troopers in my own security detail. Even Commander Cody, who had worked with me intimately throughout the Clone Wars was marked for execution.

I cringed, thinking of killing the man who had been responsible for my safety for several years. It also brought back his words, _But her time is limited_. Anger coursed through my veins. _I will not lose you again._ A plan was quickly formulated, and I brought my shuttle pilot to me to help.

"Take Padmé. Don't tell her, but she's in danger. She will resist you if you let her know that she is. Take a half dozen troopers with you from the five oh first and go to Panantooine to await further instruction." I paused, adding reluctantly, "I will be reporting that your shuttle crashed in transit to Kamino." I met his eyes, stressing the last, "The Emperor will think you are dead. You are under my direct orders."

As I watched his salute and quickly retreating back, my heart ached at the thought that I may have slept in your arms for the last time in a long time.

I headed for Kamino, hoping for another plan, as I will _not_ kill the Clones.

* * *

Sorry for a few things. Sorry for taking so long (real life AGAIN) and sorry for not having a certain character appear for those of you that know what I'm talking about. He will still appear soon (probably the next Anakin POV chapter) but I wanted to keep this scene for the importance of the implications of what's going on.

Anakin's nightmare is a subplot that I even surprised my beta with- and to answer any questions, no Anakin does NOT know about his children yet, he was feeding off of Padme's worries. BUT I won't say whether it IS going to end up as a prophetic dream or not. ;)

Let me know what you think:)


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 11

The small fighter set down on one of the landing platforms outside of Tipoca City, bringing me to Kamino. The distance had been spent in hyperspace and I had had little time to formulate a plan. I followed the platform to the receiving area, getting soaked from the constant storm battering around me. I began to wish I had returned to my apartments for the mask and suit I typically wore as Darth Vader. But this was not the day to wear it, and I would have had to face _you_.

Inside, a Kaminoan inclined its long, graceful neck, "Greetings, Master Skywalker. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, after all these years. I am Taun We."

I blinked, controlling the shock as it rippled through me. _They know who I am? _I should not have been surprised- everyone seemed to know my face. It was part of the reason I chose the black mask upon becoming Sidious's apprentice. But this being acted as if she was actually _expecting_ me. "It is good to meet you as well, Taun We." I responded, still schooling my features against the surprise.

"We have not been expecting you, no one knew of your whereabouts following…" Taun We paused, searching for the words, "following that massacre." I flinched. I was responsible for that _massacre_. The Kaminoan gestured for me to follow her. "You must be here for the resistance. He has not told many, as it is not safe against the Empire, but I am positive he would have told you."

Perplexed, I followed, playing along, wondering where this plot lead. I remained silent, listening to everything Taun We had to say.

"It was a brilliant idea, we were rather eager to comply with his requests. The Emperor's animosity toward alien races is already becoming known and we do not wish to become one of his slave states." The Kaminoan dipped its head, meeting my eyes, "I am sure you understand."

_I understand not wanting to become a slave, yes. _I inclined my head. _What I do not understand is what's going on here. Who is _he?

Taun We led me to the clone training facility, where hundreds of clones were training in hand-to-hand combat. "We have modified their genetics to no longer be as blindly responsive to the Emperor, and have been training them from birth to understand the perils they face, to fight for their homeland."

I brought my hand up to my face, watching the display below. "All of them?" I asked, thinking in horror of the command that I would hear next, were I to report this information to my Master.

The Kaminoan nodded, "All of them. They are very responsive to this treatment, and will be prepared within a few years to join in arms with the Rebellion and overthrow the Empire."

I closed my eyes, imagining the potential slaughter before me. I already had a list of dozens of clones I was to "exterminate".

_There is no way I will add thousands more to that list. Enough is enough. _

I flinched when I felt a hand clasp on my shoulder, a familiar Force signature filling the room. Even my vivid imagination could not have prepared me for what came next; dread filled me from my gut.

The voice swamped my brain, overwhelmed me. "I thought you were dead. Oh thank the Force; I thought you were gone. But you are not. You are here. How… why?" I had not heard that voice since he left to fight General Grievous…

_Obi-Wan.

* * *

_

Backstory to come in following Anakin chapters... remember- this IS AU!

Let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 12

My mind was a whirlwind of emotions upon finding myself whisked away to an unknown planet, for reasons I could not discern. Irritation flared as I thought of you pushing me out again, though the reality of the situation began to dawn on me as we reached the outer edges of the galaxy. There was at least one good reason why one would go to the Outer Rim: _to hide._

I followed Commander Appo out listlessly, headed towards a cloaked figure. My heart leapt, wondering if it was you, before I discerned that the person below the cloak was much smaller; the features behind the hood feminine. Gracefully she pushed the hood away from her face before embracing me. _Sabé! _I clung to her gratefully. She squeezed my hand, leading me towards her home. "Oh, milady, you're safe. I thought you were dead!"

I shook my head, gesturing to the Clones exiting the shuttle. "It is thanks to them, and Anakin, that I am not." _If I've found my end of usefulness to Palpatine._

Her eyes widened slightly; she drew back. "Anakin? Skywalker?"

I nodded, adding, "Lord Vader."

She frowned softly, "Why would you be in immediate danger?"

The list of my crimes against the Empire had been read to me upon my capture, prior to my interrogation with _you._ I kept myself from reciting them, answering only, "I am a Loyalist. It is the same reason I was perceived as dead following the rise of Vader… I fled to evade capture."

She nodded, understanding. But confusion at one point still lingered. "So why is he helping you, if he's after you?"

I sighed inwardly, _no sense in hiding it now._ "I am his wife."

She stopped, grabbing my elbow to halt my progression as well. "What?"

I smiled unconsciously, "Anakin and I were wed shortly after the Battle of Geonosis. It was a secret from the entire galaxy. But we don't have to hide that, now." I turned to her, "But what about you? Why are you here?"

Sabé gestured in the distance. "This is my home, now. The galaxy is not safe for someone who so closely resembles you." She met my eyes. "Anakin is protecting me." I smiled, _this is more hope. You're helping an innocent._

She sighed, her voice grave. "Anakin should have told me." I raised an eyebrow and my lips began to form a query, but before I could manage the words, she continued, "He told me about a woman, one he had been with secretly. He told me about his fears, about the dreams…" My gut twitched with jealousy that you had been able to share that with someone else. "But he never told me that woman was you." She finished, closing her eyes. "But it makes sense, now."

I frowned, finally finding my voice, "But why did he tell _you?_"

Sabé shook her head, reprimanding herself, "I should never have let it get this far. I should have known better. He always said I looked like you." Her lower lips trembled, "He was always so broken. Too much of a past…" Nausea flooded my head and my knees got weak as I realized the implications of her statements. _This far?_

"Wh..what do you mean, Sabé?" My voice shook, not prepared for the emotional onslaught in the very least. _Nothing I have ever learned could have prepared me for that._

A lone tear slid down her cheek. "Anakin…" she started, searching for the words. "Anakin and I are lovers."

Words from long ago echoed in my head,

_We could keep it a secret. _

_No, we would be living a lie. I couldn't do that, could you, Anakin?_

_We'd be living a lie… a lie… _

Our entire lives have been nothing but _lies._ Have _you_ ever lived your life without a lie?

* * *

At VERY long last... the hardest chapter I've ever written... is done. 

Feedback is love.


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 13

_Obi-Wan._

Every muscle in my body tensed in response, I waited before turning around, trying to regain control over the panic that threatened to overtake me. I grasped desperately for any explanation I could think of; anything to say other than the _truth_. But before I could ramble off an explanation, he took me in his arms, hugging me to him.

I've never been able to figure out why it happens, but Obi-Wan's embrace has always had a calming effect on me. Instantly I relaxed; the tension melted away. "It's been so long." I chocked out. _And it had._ _Too long._

At long last, he drew back, standing back to study me. "I was convinced you were at the Temple when…" he trailed off, his voice strained. "But you're alive. That's what matters. What happened?"

I hid the shame that filled my heart upon seeing the look on his face when he spoke of the Temple Massacre. But lying to him came easily, as I had already learned to look at his nose, his mouth, or his ears when telling him another story about where I had been instead of the truth that I was with you… _look anywhere but his eyes. He can read souls._ "I was injured on Coruscant. I managed to get to my shuttle, where Artoo navigated me towards Tatooine. But we crash landed on Panantooine, not quite at our destination."

My heart skipped a beat waiting on his response. He frowned softly, "You must have been grievously injured to have to crash land. Thank the Force for that strange astromech of yours." He chuckled lightly and I kept the sigh at bay, _he believed me._ "I was injured myself, following defeating Grievous. My Clones turned on me. But I hid and waited." He shook his head warily, "I can't believe I never detected you, as close to Panantooine as I had been so many times."

This peaked my interest, "Really? Where did you go?"

Obi-Wan blinked, "Have you seen Padmé yet?" I could not hide the surprise on my face at that one. _Padmé was not found anywhere near there… what could Padmé have to do with the Tatooine sector, and Panantooine? Does he know…_ I began to wrap my lips around the question but Obi-Wan stopped me. "I suppose not, if you're not aware that I know of the situation."

My mind raced, _He thinks I'm surprised he knows about Padmé. What is he hiding?_ "I don't know what to say." I answered honestly, at a complete loss for words.

"Anakin…" he began, then sighed, an idle hand stroking his beard. "I had a speech prepared for you about attachment and the Code, but all of that is not important anymore. But I'm still hurt that you didn't come to me about it."

I looked away, watching the clones passively, "I didn't want you to be ashamed. I didn't want you to think that you had failed in training me. And I didn't know what to do to save her." My throat ached; a sob threatened to escape.

Obi-Wan clasped my shoulder again, answering soothingly, "She told me about the dreams." Fleetingly I cursed myself for not remembering to be surprised that you were alive. "Do you still have them?"

"No." the back of my eyes pricked with heat upon remembering those desperate days, the endless nights without sleep. _Nothing but paranoia, fear, and pain._ For months and months, I had suffered with it, even after I was sure that you were dead. _The nightmares just kept coming, only to be healed by her._

Obi-Wan nodded to himself, announcing, "Then you must go to Tatooine. You need to know."

I turned back to him, blinking, "Why? What's on Tatooine?" my pulse raced, thinking of the possibilities.

He grinned cheekily, "You'll see, my former Padawan, you'll see."

* * *

As usual, feedback is love.

I deserve something for updating quicker, don't I? ;) J/k


	15. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 14

_We could keep it a secret. _

_No, we would be living a lie. I couldn't do that, could you, Anakin? _

"It would destroy us." I whispered, finishing the memory. In the whirl of emotions that had followed Sabé's revelation, I did not notice that we had gone inside her home. I still can't remember how we got there.

"Did you say something?" She called from the kitchen where she was preparing tea, her voice drawing my eyes toward her. But all I could see was a small work table, covered in droid parts. I stared at the parts, knowing that a former handmaiden would have no reason to have pieces of droids lying around her home.

"Just thinking of another one of his lies." My hands covered my face, biting back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm me.

I felt her hand on my shoulder; I flinched away. "I didn't know." She whispered, her voice trembling.

Wearily, I raised my head. "I know." I met her eyes, "How could you know? He is getting rather good at lying."

Sabé wiped the tears from her face, insisted, "The woman he mentioned was dead. He thought you were dead, Padmé."

_That doesn't make it right. How could you replace me so quickly? _ "So he replaced his dead wife with her near-clone." I spat out. She winced and I ducked my head in shame. "No, I did not mean you any harm, Sabé." I said softly.

She held my hands for a moment, then rose, going back to get the tea. "Make yourself at home."

_Home._ _So that sterile environment on Coruscant really wasn't your home. _ This was truly your home, wasn't it? The place where my heart should have been felt hollow and empty upon seeing the evidence of your comfort. I searched for something else to look at, following the walls of the room. A door stood open to another room, light streaming from the window. My stomach tied in knots upon taking in the rest of the room.

A bassinet stood by the door, delicate blankets draped across the sides. My eyes jerked down, as if the sight burned them. But on the table in front of me was some incomplete knitting, taking the shape of tiny baby booties. "Sabé?" I queried, unable to stop myself.

"Yes?" she asked, and then blushed as she followed my eyes. Her hands moved protectively to her belly. "I just found out." She could not hide the elation in her eyes.

I paled, rising. "I can't stay, Sabé. I…I must go. This is too much." I fled without waiting for her protest, Commander Appo following in my footsteps. Nausea overwhelmed me as I informed him that we were to make our way anywhere but here.

I moved through the motions, becoming more enraged with every passing moment that you would move on and build a life with _someone else_ so quickly. When back at the shuttle, I started an encrypted holo message while Appo prepared our liftoff.

Appo joined me moments later, "Where are we going, milady?"

I stared at the navcharts. _We're so close…_ "Tatooine."

Confused, he nodded. "As you wish, milady."

* * *

Everything will be revealed with time. I'm trying my best to keep up a faster update rate than before even though our busy season at work is almost here and we've been preparing like crazy to keep up with it.

Feedback truly is love. The continued interest is why I'm working so hard to keep up with a faster pace despite sleep deprivation. LOL... Thanks to everyone that's reviewed or even just read this fic. It's gotten a life of its own over the past few months!


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all associated characters, plotlines, and worlds (good and bad) are property and copyright © of George Lucas (aka The Richest Man in Hollywood). This is purely for fan entertainment only.

**Note: **This fic is now rated M for Mature, as it now has the Meep stamp on it…

Chapter 15

My guts wrenched as the skyline of the old ranch approached, two domes rising above the yellow and orange streaked sky. The twin suns were dipping toward the horizon- it would be dark soon. The coming darkness reflected my mood- this place reminded me of nothing but pain and sorrow. Everything, everywhere reminded me of the night I had _failed_ and let Mom _die_.

It had been easy enough to stay comfortably numb as we evaded the stormtroopers patrolling the port when we arrived. The maneuvers took me back to a time when we would spend hours in the mud circling around a much larger force of Separatist troops. Fortunately, Obi-Wan had agreed that conflict was not high on our priority list, and so I was not asked to kill the troopers that I had now sworn to protect against my Master's plans.

Fortunately, there was still the nagging curiosity at the back of my mind as I wondered what Obi-Wan could conjure up as a reason to bring me back to this forsaken place… a reason that involved _you_. It was the only thing that kept me from spiraling into the dark abyss. It kept my nerves steeled as we went through the threshold into my old home.

My feet were plastered to the floor; however, as I found part of the _surprise_ I was brought to Tatooine. And I stared, dumbfounded, until your sharp _slap_ across my cheek dumped me back in reality. "Padmé?" I gawked. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be…"

I could not finish as you interrupted, "On Panantooine? With your _mistress_?"

"How- " I began.

Again, you cut in, fire in your eyes and ice in your voice. "How did I know? Oh, she told me, Anakin. You've lied about _everything._"

It finally sunk in that I had been slapped forcefully across the face and that I had quite possibly deserved it. "I didn't think she would tell you." _Why would she tell you?_

"Not everyone hides everything from the people they care about." Your eyes nearly bore holes in my forehead and I felt powerless to react. Years ago, I would have yelled, screamed, denied, fought my way out of it… but in your eyes I did not see the redemption, the love, I had seen that morning before I sent you away. Instead, you looked more broken than the day I found you in the Imperial interrogation wings.

Neither of us could speak again before a child toddled into the room, rubbing at his big blue eyes and scrunching his brows up, tired. He wandered towards you and tugged on your gown, dropping a scrap of a blanket he trailed behind him. "Momma, I no sleep."

My jaw dropped and feelings exploded as I saw his bright spot on the Force for the first time, recognized it as the child I had begun to bond with in your womb. _My son_. I have a son! Instantly, I rushed toward you both as you swept him into your arms, cradling him to you. I ached to touch his head, stroke his downy hair. _He looks like me. _"Why can't you sleep?" I asked him, and then looked back up to you, "What's his name?"

You soothed him, rocking him back and forth gently, and then finally answered, reluctantly, "Luke."

_Luke. My son's name is Luke. I have a son. _"Luke Skywalker." I whispered, memorizing his tiny face in awe.

He must have recognized the tension between us, the anger within you, for he raised his head, queried, "Momma no okay?"

Your eyes met Obi-Wan's and you responded, "No, it's okay. Uncle Obi-Wan is going to read you a bedtime story." I watched enviously as my son was bundled from your arms to his. I wondered how many times _Uncle_ Obi-Wan had told _my_ son stories in my place.

As soon as he was gone, I hissed, "That should be me taking care of him. When were you going to tell me?" my voice raised steadily in volume.

"When were you going to tell me you were sleeping with another woman?" You countered.

I glared, "You were dead, Padmé! Dead! I searched for you… searched for _months_. I didn't even _sleep_ before I finally… gave up." I looked away, balling my fists. "All I found was darkness. She helped me overcome that."

Your voice was broken; I did not need to be facing you to know you were crying. I clenched my fingers, willing the weakness away. "She's bearing your child." It was almost a whisper.

The jubilation I felt at learning of my impending fatherhood with Sabé was overshadowed by the ache that I was somehow wronging tiny Luke. My gut clenched. "It wasn't ever supposed to get that far." My voice sounded dull even in my ears.

After a pregnant silence, you joined me at my side, looking into my eyes. "Do you love her, Anakin?"

My thoughts had revolved around you from the moment I had first seen you even after I was convinced you were dead. Somehow, those thoughts meshed with the thoughts of Sabé, along the way. _She_ had saved me, though, in my darkest days… "I don't know." I answered honestly, watching as you donned the Queen face once more.

"At least you're not lying about that." You sighed and I heard the weight of the entire galaxy in your exhalation. After a moment, you asked, "Have you told Obi-Wan that you're the Sith Lord he's been charged to destroy?"

My eyes clamped shut and I swallowed, trying to swallow away the discomfort and despair at the thought of losing the last friend, the last person I love, as I inevitably would. _But it must be done._ "Not yet. But I'll help him destroy the Sith, if he'll let me."

* * *

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Gizzi1213!! And happy anniversary to this fic as well! I am sorry it took so long… but this was quite possibly the hardest chapter yet… and I know I said that about a different chapter.

Don't kill me.

BTW- This was originally posted on the Balanced Force forum on the 12th- but refused to work until now.


End file.
